


The Search For Pictures

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Cybersex, F/M, Interspecies, Nudity, Pictures, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-17
Updated: 2012-01-17
Packaged: 2017-10-29 17:41:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/322457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three kids are "talking" with three of the trolls. Of course, this is going to end badly for someone, that someone not-ironically being Dave Strider, whose partner in this endeavor is none other than Terezi. How the heck is a blind troll supposed to take pictures of herself, anyway?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Search For Pictures

The things that could happen during a multi-hour marathon flirting session with an alien chick were limitless, with everything possible and nothing too weird as to not happen. After all, flirting with an alien chick who was blind and was licking her screen to communicate was pretty weird, and it was happening. (The urge to add “bro” or “dog” to the end of that statement was barely quashed by the distraction of flirting.)

Oh, other things were happening, too. The things that were possible. After all, it, ironically, wasn't just super cool, badass Dave Strider who was getting his flirt on with an alien (or troll, but troll chick sounded less interezi—interesting than alien chick). And it wasn't just Dave Strider who would be inevitably cock-blocked due to the fact that they were two different species not even living on the same planet.

How ironic that the first girl he wanted to bang wasn't even compatible with him.

How ironic.

But it wasn't just him being cock-blocked, as was already stated. No, Dave's best friend John Egbert would also be rejected by the cruel twist of fate known as the world. And their other friend (who happened to be some kind of relation to John), Jade Harley, would be the one doing the cock-blocking due to her being a female and the troll who was sweet-talking with her being male (and wasn't that particular part of the male anatomy known as a “bone bulge” to the trolls anyway, so it would be bulge-blocking?).

“Damn it,” he muttered, looking at the three conversations he had going at once. “I think Egbert just got to computer second base before I did.” He shook his head in anger at the typed out moans and exclamations of pure ecstasy that his friend was (most likely not intentionally) sending him, before switching his attention to a different chat log, the one he was having with Jade. His eyes stumbled upon a link that he knew he shouldn't have received, a link that he knew was meant for the troll, not him.

He clicked it anyway. Images of Jade scantily clad or, in several instances, completely nude covered his screen, making him feel even more anger than he had reading about John's experience. Why was it that they were so far ahead of him? He hadn't even gotten the opportunity to snap a picture or two of himself yet! (Not like that mattered. He was flirting with a blind troll. She wouldn't be seeing the pictures; she'd be tasting them.) In his angry and flustered state, he closed the window containing the nudes and politely informed Jade that she had sent them to him on accident, something she should probably fix as there was a horny (or would it be bulgy?) troll out there waiting for them.

She never responded to that, probably either figuring that he didn't care if she did or not, or having fallen asleep at her computer. Dave facepalmed, accidentally hitting the enter key with his elbow on his third conversation, the one with his lusty companion. A wave of embarassment overtook him. That message was him rambling about how he wanted to see her naked, wanted to imagine what her body would feel like under his sweaty fingers. Hell, he included the line “I want to know what you taste like, babe”! He was going to have given her the completely wrong idea, and it was on accident! (Well, it was the right idea, just a bit too strong and too soon for what he wanted.)

TG: im sorry you saw that

TG: i didnt mean to send that message

TG: fuck you didnt see it youre blind

TG: i am just ruining this whole experience arent i

GC: NO 1TS F1N3 1 W4S 4CTU4LLY W41T1NG FOR YOU TO M3NT1ON 1T >;]

TG: wait really

TG: how ironic

TG: i was waiting for you

GC: TH4T W4S 4 STUP1D 1D34

GC: YOU SHOULD H4V3 JUST 4SK3D

He blinked, leaning in closer to the screen, virtually close enough to lick it and potentially taste his troll love. In her next message she included a link, one that he knew was meant for him. Hand shaking in anticipation, he slowly scrolled over it and clicked, just to have a single, crudely drawn picture of the troll woman appear.

TG: is this it?

TG: really?

GC: 1M BL1ND 1 DONT R34LLY C4R3 4BOUT P1CTUR3S

TG: you could have at least warned me that you were going to do that

TG: i was expecting something good

GC: 4R3 YOU S4Y1NG MY DR4W1NG W4SNT GOOD >;?

TG: no it just wasnt what i was expecting

GC: 1 G3T 1T YOU W4NT M3 TO F1ND SOM3ON3 WHO W1LL T4K3 P1CTUR3S OF M3 N4K3D S1NC3 1 C4NT DO 1T MYS3LF DONT YOU

TG: that would be appreciated actually...

GC: W3LL L3T M3 F1ND K4RK4T OR SOM3ON3 3LS3 L1K3 H1M

Dave, reclining in his chair once again, smiled, as the chat kindly informed him that his dream troll had left. Whatever she was going to do, it definitely would have been a sight to see. He was horny (probably more than Egbert at this point, but he wasn't going to ask the guy how aroused he was on a scale from “dead puppies” to “fucking hot supermodel gave me a striptease”), and he needed to deal with himself in the time that her search of pictures was giving him.

* * *

“Damn, Terezi, you sure that's what you want me to do for you?”

Sighing, the blind troll handed her camera over to the shorter guy right in front of her. “Yes. It's what Dave wants.”

“You know this means you'll have to take your shirt off in front of me. And your pants. Not trying to be mean or anything, but wouldn't you rather do this yours—“

“I'm blind. I can't see the fucking pictures. If I took one myself I would probably be missing whatever it is that Dave wants to see.” She slowly pulled her shirt over her head, exposing her chest to the photographing troll. “And I want him to see what he wants.”

Karkat, moving the camera to the perfect position for its use, started sweating a little at the sight of the beautiful creature in front of him slowly undoing her pants. “ Yes, well, could you have picked any other troll to do this for you?”

“No. Why?”

There were little beads of sweat dripping down his face. He could feel them. “You're, uh, quite attractive to me. Remember? We once were almost matesprites?”

“That was a long time ago, Karkat. I'd have thought you'd be over it...”

“I am over it! It's just, uh, you're naked and I'm getting to see it. And it's fucking beautiful.” His voice dropped lower. “More fucking beautiful than any fucking troll should be.” Even lower, as the pictures started getting taken. “And I can't fucking stand it.”

Terezi, who was in the process of stepping out of the leg of her pants, tilted her head slightly to the left. “Speak up, Karkat. I can't hear you when you mumble.”

“I-I can't do this.” He let the camera fall from his hands, hitting the floor with a soft thud, and using his newly-freed hands to shield his eyes from taking in any more of the creature standing before him. “Find someone else to do it. I can't. I can't fucking stand looking at your fucking body for more than three fucking seconds without wanting to—“

“Karkat, I knew I shouldn't have asked you,” Terezi calmly said, bending down to put her pants back on. “I knew it was a bad idea to come to you for something like this, but I didn't know who else to turn to. And now, I don't know where else to go...”

He was peering at her through a gap between his fingers, watching her slowly redress. “Go to anyone. I don't care. I'm sure Kanaya would help you in a situation like this. She's open to,” he thought for a second to make sure he was wording his statement correctly, “weird fucking things like this, after all.”

On the contrary. Kanaya was not open to things such as taking nude photographs of one of her troll friends. “I would much rather not do that,” she politely said, after Terezi had both handed her the slightly-broken camera and told her what was going on. “Rose has been telling me about what you all are doing with those pictures, and I am quite disappointed in that behavior.”

“But it's for fun! And Dave wants them! I can't let him down!”

“Terezi, you are going to either let him down or you are going to take your disgusting pictures yourself. I am not helping you.” With that, she pushed the camera back into the blind troll's hands and turned away, presumably returning to her chat session with the human lady.

* * *

TG: i havent even gotten pictures yet

TG: im pretty much sitting here

TG: alone

TG: waiting for her to get back

TG: im not supplying her with pictures until she supplies me with some

TG: fuck

TG: everyone else is passing pictures around

TG: and im not

TG: how ironic

TG: the cool guy gets left out in the end

GG: don't be such a whiner dave!!!

GG: i'm sure she's getting you what you want!

GG: you just have to be patient!!!! :)

TG: ugh what i want is pictures from her like the pictures you accidentally sent me

TG: ironic how i got your nudes before i got hers

GG: i'm sorry about that still!!!!!!!

GG: i didn't realize i was on the wrong thing!!!

GG: D:

GG: you forgive me right?????????????

TG: yeah

TG: they were fun to look at

GG: uh okay cool I guess!

GG: that's a better reaction than what tavros gave me.....................

TG: oh shit

TG: what did he say

GG: he didn't say anything

GG: he still hasn't :(

Dave raised an eyebrow at those last two messages. Why he had turned to Jade in his time of desperation, he wasn't sure, but seeing that those pictures of hers had not impressed her cybering partner made his heart hurt for the poor girl.

TG: did he ever send you pics

GG: yeah......

GG: i was disappointed to know he's missing his whole lower half :(

GG: like really

TG: whoa that sucks

GG: he's got a nice body for being half robot though!!!!!!!

GG: don't get me wrong there!!!!!!

He looked at his legs. How the poor troll was living without a pair of his own flesh and blood, he wasn't sure. His eyes then slowly drifted to a very different part of his body, something that he had already known the troll didn't have, but if the guy didn't even have legs, did he have the bone bulge that the other male trolls had? (He filed this question in his mind under “Things to ask about when not horny.”)

GG: he also has really nice horns :)

TG: i would assume so ive heard how big they are

TG: jade have you heard anything from john

GG: uh no why????

TG: im curious as to how his pics went over with the lady

TG: i know how hers went with him

GG: oh..............

GG: i bet it went fine!!!!!

TG: i hope it did

TG: i really hope so

In all reality, he did. That wasn't him trying to seem like a nice guy; rather, it was him being a nice guy. John had yet to respond to a single message on the topic, only replying in keyboard smashes that were less than intelligible. The curiosity was starting to get to Dave, and he was tempted to start messaging in a spam-like manner, not stopping until he got his answer. But what if John was busy getting his computer sex on? Would he appreciate being interrupted like that?

TG: im going to spam john now

TG: i need my answer

He wouldn't like it, but he couldn't leave a bro hanging like he had.

* * *

Terezi's head poked in the room, her nose on high alert for a certain watery smell that would lead her to the only other troll she knew she could ask. She sniffed a little, taking in the flurry of smells the room held. There was a hint of plastic, meaning this wasn't the room that she was looking for, but instead the one where a troll who broke Magic 8 Balls on an hourly basis was hiding. But there was also a nasty smell, one that reminded her of bad incidents that she didn't actually want to remember.

“Why does it smell like someone died here?” she asked loudly, hoping someone heard her. When she got no response, she shrugged and attempted to block the disgusting scent from her nostrils. It worked, to a degree. She could get her mind back on the fishy trail, but the horrible memories were still there, informing her that there was that problem to take care of.

How long had she been searching for the sea-dweller, anyway? Had to have been long enough that Dave was actually disappointed in her. (He probably wasn't, and wouldn't be due to the special circumstances she had, but the thought that he _could_ be was a driving force for her.) Why did he have to want these pictures? Why couldn't he just have accepted drawings?

She stumbled into a different room, one that flooded her senses with water smell. “Terezi? Why are you here?” Feferi's kind voice brought a smile to her face. “Weren't you glubbing with Dave?”

“He wants pictures. I'm blind. I can't take pictures of myself.” With a skilfully pointed finger, she barely tapped the head of the room's other resident. “I want Eridan to take them for me.”

“Me? Wwhy?” the male grabbed her finger and lifted it off his head. “No matter. If you wwant me to, you better havve the place picked out.”

She gulped and nodded. “As long as it isn't the room that smells like death, I don't care where. Does here work?”

Eridan looked at Feferi, who jumped from her little seat. “I'll go. I've got friends! I can glub with them while you two are busy! Come get me when you're done, Eri, so I can come back in!” She pirouetted out of the room, leaving the blind troll alone with the man.

“Wwater you thinking, asking me?”

She thrust the camera into his face. “I had to pick between you and Equius. Gamzee's off in his own world, I asked Karkat, Sollux would probably end up rigging my camera to explode before we got anywhere, and Tavros is...not the point. Between you and Equius. And he'd probably sweat a million times more than Karkat did,”

“Oh, you think I'll be able to handle this vvery special job?” He stood up, looking at the ground as Terezi slowly took her top off once again. When he tilted hid head to look at her, his glasses-covered eyes widened. “Wwell, this could be fun...”

* * *

TT: Are you saying that he's not responding to either of you?

GG: yes!!!!!!

GG: and its starting to scare us!!

TT: Well, thankfully, you put Dave on it.

TT: I'm not going to bother John for you, though, so don't ask me.

GG: are you talking to kanaya???

TT: Yes, I am.

TT: And she is messaging me right now.

TT: Goodbye, Jade.

GG: goodbye rose!!!

The blond girl rolled her eyes and closed out of the chat that the relatively happy Jade had started, returning to the one she had been having with Kanaya for hours. The fact that the three other humans were doing inappropriate things with the trolls disgusted her, a sentiment shared by the motherly troll that she had been conversing with.

GA: Is She Done Whining About John Now

GA: Hes Fine Whatever Hes Doing I Bet

GA: Vriska Would Be Screaming If He Wasnt

TT: Yes, she's done.

TT: And can you hear her from where you are?

GA: I Can Hear A Lot Of Things From Here

GA: Its Quite Sad

TT: I would assume so.

GA: But Its Okay Im Fine With This Position

TT: That's a positive thought.

GA: You Try Having Someone Ask You To Take Their Pictures And Then Hear A Very Concerning Scream And Then Nothing But The Occasional Sob From The Shirtless Half Robot In The Room With You And The Occasional Cheer From The Room Where Vriska Is

TT: You mean that Tavros is actually in there now?

GA: Yes

GA: He Came In After Jade Turned Him Down Due To Being In A Half Robotic State

GA: As I Am Partially Responsible For That

GA: I Felt It Was Fitting For Me To Comfort Him

Rose blinked, re-reading the lengthy message that Kanaya had sent her, before looking over the supplementary responses. A cry formed in her throat, not for her friend, but for the guy who's current situation was probably not where he wanted to be.

TT: Hold on a second, Kanaya.

TT: I'm going to tell Jade something.

She opened a new chat with the other female human, ignoring the fact that she had (rather hastily, actually) already said goodbye to her, and began typing a message that she hoped she would understand to its fullest and heed its content carefully.

* * *

“There. I think these pictures wwhale please evven the meanest of men.” Eridan kissed the camera, putting it into Terezi's shaking hands. She quickly nodded, before verbally thanking him and dashing out of the room, to do what he figured was send them to Dave. He glanced around the room, at all the things of Feferi's that they had moved to give Terezi more of a regal look about her. He laughed to himself, realizing that he never knew she could look so pretty while nude and wearing only a small tiara on her head.

His head shook, trying to erase those images from his mental camera. “Damn gog, not wworking. Howw am I supposed to glub like a normal troll if all I'm thinking about is howw good she looked?” He left the room in its messy state, knowing that Feferi would have him clean it up later while they talked about multitudes of things (normally cuttlefish, but occasionally they veered into squid territory).

Passing through one of the rooms to get to where he was headed, his nose was assaulted with the rank odor of death. This must have been the room that Terezi had been referring to when she had mentioned the smell, he realized, but he didn't care to look and see what was causing the disturbance. Instead, he walked right through and within moments was in the same room as a crying Tavros and a shoosh-ing Kanaya. “Do you knoww wwhat is making that other room smell so bad?” he asked Kanaya, as she stared at him.

“No, I don't. Why?” she said in response, each word crisp and clear. “I can't smell it in here, so I don't know. What does it smell like?”

“Death.” He then broke into an explanation of what the room smelled like, and how he had heard screams and yelps while he had been in there.

From on her lap, Tavros looked up at the sea-dweller. “Th-that's the room that Vriska's in. Do...do you think she...killed someone?”

“Vriska wouldn't dare pull herself away from the conversation she's having with John. Don't be silly. It's probably a prank or something.”

Eridan halfheartedly smiled. “A prank. That makes sense. I wwouldn't put it past Vvris, though, to kill. She's done it before.”

The computer that Kanaya was using gave an alert notification to a new message, which she checked:

AG: I wouldn't kill aaaaaaaanyone right now. <33333333

AG: Stop talking so loud a8out me.

“It's not her. She just heard us talking about it.” Eridan, shaking his head in an attempt to give a response to that, decided it was time to move on and find Feferi, before she went back alone and found her room a mess. He turned around, heading back through the door, but Kanaya spoke again before he was out of hearing range. “Beware, Eridan, we may have a killer on our hands.”

* * *

Dave was more than ready to see the pictures. He was pacing back and forth, glancing at the screen every few seconds to see if Terezi had come off of idle and was sending them to him. She hadn't, and so he was pacing. This was classified as one of those ridiculously awkward moments where, if for some reason his brother walked into the room, he would have to either come clean about the cybering or make up a crazy excuse as to why he was walking around naked.

He didn't think an excuse would cut it, and if Bro found out that he was getting dirty with a girl (the troll part could be left out), he'd introduce him to more of this kind of stuff. But he didn't want any other nudes. He had already seen Jade's, much to his dismay, and now all he wanted was a picture or two from Terezi.

Passing the computer again, he noticed that she was back online.

Then the files started being sent. One by one, they came, and the amount of them brought a huge grin to his face. Screw the fact that he still hadn't taken any of himself. He was finally getting the reward he had been waiting for!

GC: SORRY 1T TOOK M3 SO LONG

GC: 1 H4D TO D34L W1TH F1ND1NG SOM3ON3 W1LL1NG TO T4K3 TH3M >:]

That was all she said. No “enjoy.” No “I hope you like them.” Nothing.

TG: you arent going to tell me to like them

TG: oh shit

TG: you havent even seen your own pictures

TG: have you

GC: 1M BL1ND 1 C4NT S33 TH3M SM4RT4SS

TG: well yeah but still

TG: sending them to me when you dont know what they look like

TG: they could make you look bad

GC: YOU TH1NK 1 LOOK B4D >:?

TG: no

TG: havent looked yet

GC: W3LL GO DO TH4T

GC: 1 H34R SCR34M1NG 4BOUT K4RK4T B31NG STUCK SOM3WH3R3

GC: TH3YR3 GO1NG TO W4NT M3 1 KNOW 1T

TG: i guess i should look

TG: here goes

It wasn't going to be a punishment. It wasn't going to be like that link that Jade had sent him. These were files that contained pictures of his troll lady love, and he was finally going to get to revel in delicious...pictures of fingers with the occasional glimpse of a face he knew was her's.

TG: damn it

TG: terezi these are flawed

TG: i wanted nudes

TG: not fingers

In her room in another universe, she banged her head against the desk, smashing her glasses into her face. “Fuck you, Eridan,” she growled, before wondering how the hell she was going to make this one up Dave.

**Author's Note:**

> I seriously cannot believe I just wrote this thing. Like, at all. If you've just read this, congratulations. This is the brainchild of me when I'm sleep-deprived and really in a Daverezi mood. Uh. Yeah. I have never written anything quite like this before, and I bet anyone who has read this can tell.  
> I'm sorry if it's really bad! I just had to post it to share my bad brainchild with the world. Haha. If there's any part you don't understand, just...uh...tell me, I guess? I'll edit this to explain if there's any confusion!  
> I don't own Homestuck. (I don't know if I need to put that here, but I'm used to doing that, so...)


End file.
